A letter to my anxiety

You consume me,

Sometimes in poetry,

Sometimes in the hallway.

And above everything else,

You walk past my mind,

Like we’re meant to be.

How easily you push me into,

The black hole of despair.

I scream my strangled thoughts,

But the hole is far too deep to reach above.

Every time you arrive,

You arrive like a heartbreak.

My fingers are trembling,

The water is rushing,

I splash, I splash,

But the gushing water doesn’t feel like home anymore.

It was as if somebody was sent to steal away all the air left inside.

Now I’m trapped in this four-wall room.

As I try to inhale, you come at me with every force you got.

I don’t know what is this tragedy you got with me,

Every time I try to stand, you wreck me down.

One, two, three, four down that lane I count and go,

But oh you’ve been following me everywhere.

Wouldn’t deny the fact that you got a game,

Even among a hundred people you held me close.

You’ve acidified my psyche so well,

It’s not even mine anymore.

Held me like a dart,

And scored a hundred yet again.

Up and down the stairs,

Up and down the stairs,

No way in,

No way out.

It’s a trap.

And I’ve been held for reasons I don’t know.

My heart is pounding,

At a rate faster than I could ever catch.

Little by little this throbbing feeling is swallowing me down,

To this tunnel of eternal darkness.

Now I’m running around in circles,

without an exit point. 

                                                                                                              –Amna Parvin

 

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